The art of dating when you are in your 40’s is a perilous, soul destroying mission. I blame my misfortune with men on the 'fairy tale factor'... That never ending belief that love conquers all and that one day a prince will come.

Reality isn't even close to the fairy tale. Especially when the prince doesn’t just come with baggage – he comes with a bitter, money grubbing ex-wife clinging to his back like a hump.

I gave it a shot. It sucked. I suffered a potential serial killer teenager who would pick his nose and wipe it on the wall. I gained 15 kilo; became invisible to the world. Yeah; I don’t think I’ll do that again.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Driving Miss Daisy

The roller coaster that is ‘dating’ continues with thrilling highs followed by wild dips; or worse, just a shuffling kind of boring train ride.

I’m approaching this with the somewhat pragmatic approach of a project.  I’m not in a hurry; nor am I desperately seeking love.  It would just be nice to have a date every so often when you have to go to one of those things where you are once again, the only single in the damned room! I have a requirements specification or check list already in my head and I adhere to it mercilessly.  On that spec are the ‘must haves’, ‘nice to haves’ and ‘deal breakers’.

I find it amazing and somewhat amusing just how different everyone’s ideal on the ‘musts and breakers’ are.  But let’s face it, we’re all different!  To some, I may seem ruthless but it is with absolutely certainty that I know I’m being judged just as ruthlessly.

When I receive a contact from someone and open it to look at their photo, this is the first “judgement”.  For example, if they’re standing there in socks and sandals then I’m not even pausing to read their opening line, let alone the details.  What would be the point?  For some, it takes a split second to know that I’m never… Not ever… going to be attracted to that face; or handlebar moustache; or belly like a pregnant blow fish.

It’s fair because I’m sure just as many are opening mine and saying, crikey!  I couldn’t be looking at that gap between her front teeth for long!  So as far as I’m concerned, all is fair in the art of love and dating.

I had a date on Thursday night with a guy I’d already met for coffee.  At the first meeting, I'd determined that his teeth weren’t great (there is a make or breaker!!!) and he had a weird limp/draggy leg thing (I didn’t say I couldn’t be a shallow bitch!)  The teeth became a lesser issue as we caught up because he was here visiting the dentist.  Date two also preceded a dental visit and so with a few clever questions, I found out that the dentist wants about 30k to fix his teeth.  I pointed out that teeth are important so it was probably worth it!  The leg, was due to breaking his hip a couple of months ago; so this would get better or maybe get a full hip replacement.

So with those two potential breakers' on the road to being fixed, I decided on date II.

He picked me up in a 180k brand new Mercedes and it all went downhill from there…

I was kind of expecting this version:

What I got, was this version:

Who the Hell buys a 180k black Merc and then proceeds to drive it at 40 KLMS!!!!!!!!!!!  He got tooted for crying out loud!  Someone bipped him for driving too slow and not getting out of the damned way!  When it came time to leave, I asked him if he wanted me to drive, which he thought was hysterical.  Little did he know I was deadly serious…

So he won’t do.  I just couldn't stand driving around like we were going for a spell in the country...  Getting road raged at every turn.   

It had been raining men; and the well is drying up as those I actually like seem to have some weird flaw that I can’t deal with.

The only one left in the pool at the moment is the forty six year old record shop owner.  He’s nice.  We have a lot in common.   I met him in the real world as opposed to on the internet.  I’ll see how it goes…  I need a few more meetings before I can make any sort of judgement and being younger than me bothers me a little; which could be deemed as stupid!

Thursday, August 14, 2014


I have to say, I’m a marshmallow at heart.

This week I’ve been in the city for a health informatics convention.  Pleasing to hear them say they have the best minds in Health Informatics in the one room – pity my boss can’t see that.

Regina Holliday…  Look her up… She is us. She is the normal person who lost her husband to illness and didn’t know… Didn’t understand.  I’m not sure any of us understand…

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Look at me now!

You see; you get into a relationship and everything changes.  I changed.  I gained about 15 kilo (give or take).  I figure it’s some sort of internal brainwashing going on...  Like “you treat me like I’m worthless, so let’s just be worthless…”

Yeah. I don't get it either. You think the opposite would make more sense!  And let's face it; it would.

Still, maybe the toxic part wasn't so one sided… 

Although most of our years together, I treated the ex-Squeeze like as the person I loved, towards the end I was getting downright scathing.  Still, I watched that kid lie and manipulate and why wouldn't he since he could see how great it worked.  The sucker that was my partner, would not even question the truth of anything that came out of its mouth.

Between him and the witch of an ex-wife shooting off emails that said “I don’t care what she wants!!! I only care what my pimply faced toad wants” in regards to that kid living in my home whenever they damn well felt like it, touching my stuff.  And to Hell with me and mine.  My family and friends weren't even figured into the equation.  I meant nothing and had no opinion. 

She didn't want that kid, so why she figured I would is anyone's guess.  And the reality is that she knew I didn't. 

The whole thing was about getting rid of me; and oh God, she knew how to play.  She's got it down straight.  She knows the ex-Squeeze better than anyone on the planet; she does everything but turn the key in his back to wind him up.  

But hey; even knowing that, I couldn't have taken it on... Not even to F up her world.  They created that vile child - I'd frankly, I'd have rather sucked out my own eye with a straw than have to put up with it for another second.

Squeeze at the end....
Squeeze at the start...
One can only exist for so long being totally excluded from all discussion/decisions regarding their life, home and belongings; before exploding and telling everyone to ‘F’ themselves sideways with a pogo stick! 

And oh God... I wanted to do that so many damned times...

This week, I realised I’ve somehow
lost most of my Dad’s coffee
table book I was designing
which is in a word, devastating.

I can do it again, but it is serious work.

Still, that loss caused me to trawl through  images frantically in an attempt to locate it and suddenly, I noticed images of the Squeeze – morphing from 'my guy' to 'circle guy'.

Guess life and the crappy circumstances we find ourselves in affects us all!

PS:  I bought him that groovy t-shirt in the before shot; a Neo Tokyo!  I'm sure it's gone now  :/