Antiquity, New Friends & Fitting In

Tonight we had dinner for the squeeze’s 56th birthday.  Invitee’s included a friend who I have heard spoken of a million times and was actually beginning to think was a figment of the squeeze’s imagination. As it turns out, he and his wife – were real.

I do admit I find it hard in these initial meetings.  I am the alien.  I am the one attempting to fit in, be liked; hoping that they see whatever the squeeze sees in me.  Every bit of self-doubt I possess leaps out to consume me. And as with most marriage breakdowns; friends cling to the belief they can be friends with both.  I say belief because it doesn’t usually work that way in reality.

Aside from that, I can’t help but concede that they probably don’t understand the “cat speaking to me” theory.  I wonder if they question the fact that up until one year ago; we were nothing more than friends.  To be honest, I think I’d question it myself, were I them.

I don’t have history.  Their history, their stories are peppered with tales of my squeeze and the ex-wife.  And the guests are carefully wording all they say in an attempt not to exclude me.  This in itself is a difficult task.  You have no history.  How then can you be a “part of”?

Still; you have to start somewhere; but integration isn’t as easy as people figure it is…