Domesticity – It wasn’t on the agenda

I know that some people positively crave a perfect domesticated life. They want the white picket fence; the kids offering thought-provoking conversation over dinner and witty repertoire while doing the dishes. A cat named Winslow, purring as it weaves in and out of legs. A spotty dog with a waggily tail prancing in the back yard and barking excitedly every time you go near the back door. Having their relationships move into “friendship” is high on the requirements list.

Yeah. Well not me.  And now for the background music:  Jack's Mannequin - I'm Ready.

I have never figured I fit into the normal populace; and that’s okay. I liked the fact that I was considered a little bit mad, not psychotic. To my mind, the Squeeze isn’t exactly ‘round peg’ either, which is just fine.  Personally, I've always found Round Peg = Damned Boring.

So what is wrong with domesticity?  Firstly, I hate white picket fences; they are just nancy-ish. I’m more a rustic French Provencale kind of girl. I don’t like cutesy or girly or frilly. My kitchen is about earthenware and copper and thick knotted wood.

I have found with my children and then also with the Squeezes, that kids these days have to be dragged to the table to eat; kicking and screaming. The only conversation you get is disguised within the whining because you just flicked off the television.

They are not witty, except in back chat. They would prefer to whack me in the head with one of the many meat cleavers positioned about the kitchen, than do the dishes.  And to top off this perfect "Brady Bunch" moment, Mrs. Brady sure as hell isn't dead - although after calling me Bun Hilda on the weekend, she's working closer it!

I dislike cats and sure as hell wouldn’t have an animal in the house. If it weaved in and out of my legs, it would only be purring until I gave it a swift kick and shoo’d it out of the back door. The barking dog I’d be hunting for a throat buzzing collar (needless to say that I don’t have any pets).  I'm not cruel; I just don't have them.

As for the relationship moving into the comfortable state of friendship... what the hell would I want that for? That is where it started! I have plenty of friends for friendship! Yes, yes, you have to actually like the person you are living with – but slink from romance into friendship at your own damned peril!

Hope you are reading this, Squeeze.