Chipolata

Last night when we got home from boxing, the Kid squeaked down the stairs and paraded his new “suit” purchased for the year ten formal.  Kid 2 had taken him on a shopping expedition and between them; they had found a very swish cobalt blue suit with a sky blue shirt and tie.

Although we don’t hear much in my blog about Kid 2 anymore; the pages are full of absolute gems from the early days as he provided me with some hilarious idiot kid fodder.  My personal favourite was when I walked in to Clean Freak Hell one evening only to be witness to him royally stuffing up his hair with a pair of clippers.  Holding it the wrong way around, he had managed to shave huge hunks out of the back of his head.  The downside to the hilarity was the mess I had to clean up after, but somehow, it was worth it.  I still giggle about it on occasion!

So Kid 2 takes the Peniwhacker off shopping on Friday night.  It would appear Kid 2 and his girlfriend are the resident Peni baby sitters on Friday nights.  God knows why his actual ‘mother’ [note my sarcasm around the whole “everything I do… I do for Peniwhacker!”  sigh.. hand on brow; you God damned martyr vibe]  So his “mother” can’t have him more than two days in a week and Kid 2 is the Friday night sucker.

But let’s get back to the story…  Kid 2 parades his suit for the Squeeze, trying to take the stance of a David Jones model when I heard the Squeeze say “is that too tight..?”  I turn and cast a critical eye over Mr D.J. only to see he actually does look like a chipolata, squeezed in there.  It’s pulling across the back of the shoulders and the Squeeze attempts to slip his fingers into the waist band with no joy.  The kid whines out a statement about how he has been playing cricket in the sun which is why it’s tight.  Sure!  That must be why my clothes don’t fit…  Too much sport and sun!  The girl and I look at each other across the room and grin.

Okay, so the suit is too small.  It happens.  Hell, I even get a brief flick back to being sixteen and lying on the bed doing my Staggers jeans up with a coat hanger because they were so tight… 

But as the kid starts to argue re the size, he moves further into the light where upon the Squeeze says “hey!  The pants are a different colour to the jacket!”  and Peniwhacker says “They didn’t have matching pants in my size!”  The Squeeze mutters something about “suit” meaning they match before they start discussing a return process.

It wasn’t quite “throw a pair of floppy shoes in with that you clown!” but it was getting there!