Hitting Acceptance

Yesterday, I received a text from the Squeeze to say he was dropping over my outdoor heater and collecting some of his stuff. This threw me into a bit of a spin.  Frankly, I prefer to stick to not having to see or deal with him. I mean it’s going to be uncomfortable right? How can it not be? One minute you are sleeping with someone, joking with them, eating with them.  The next; you're just not... You realise that they have been living a lie. What can you say after that..?  Pretend to be friends?  To care?  Far better to just avoid them altogether.

The final “swap” of stuff up until now, has been done when I’m at work.  I leave whatever he has emailed me about in a box at the back door and come home to find his stuff magically gone and my stuff in its place.  No words, other than written, are exchanged.

This may or may not be the most grown up way to address it; but I have enough to deal with at the moment.  I don’t need a constant reminder that I woke up in 2014 and found my life trashed.

As it worked out, it wasn't such a bad thing that I saw him.  He came in for coffee.  We even discussed my Dad’s funeral and the 2 BR box he is renting with the toad.  We even had a few laughs.

The outcome for me, was an understanding that he was right.  At least to some degree.  Our wants, needs and lives are on two totally separate paths.  I hated the sound of the the unit he has signed up for and already know that the stench from the toad will waft through those tiny rooms like a grass fire.  He was right.  I don't want to live as he does.  I never wanted it.

With no Toad or Harridan constantly in the picture, we could have had a good life with plenty of writing, music and laughs.  With them in it, it was never going to be anything but Hell for me.

Guess that means I've hit 'acceptance' in one part of my world.