The Little Shop of Dating Horrors

It is astounding to me how any man I know that puts his ass on a dating website; is inundated.  It appears that women are virtually leaping out at them.  Fifteen or twenty a day; and trust me, some of the people that have said that to me were barely making it out of the “maybe… If I shut one eye and squint with the other” pool!

Several of them have mentioned that it is basically a full time job and then they have been snapped up two seconds later.  And it is always by younger, more attractive women.  Hmmmmm.  My spurt of wishing a pox and potentially, a dose of impotence upon the ex-Squeeze is mollified slightly.  I guess that explains how he can start “seeing someone” while I lose 10 kilo; am 8 years younger than he and yet I am still doing the dating cycle which is in a word; freaking hard.

I’ve taken to showing my potential dates as they contact me to the guy I share an office with.  Suffice to say this awards us hours of amusement as I spy one aging Elvis and then next, move to Captain freaking Stubing from the Love Boat (I kid you not there).

Then we have the ones that on the surface appear relatively okay; I mean I’m not shuddering or rolling around the floor laughing – but then they go and ruin it as per one did today…

This was the end part of his profile:

Ok that said I certainly wish to have a healthy sex life with my princess,, I certainly don't want it every second Saturday night with the street lights turned off and missionary position only, that is definitely not me.. fun exciting romantic sexual sensual is what I am after. So if that is not you don't bother to chat with me. a polite refusal is the nice thing to do.

WTF????  Seriously!!???  What a total TWAT!

Then in his “what I’m looking for section”, we go again….

Intelligent easy going, fun loving, witty, sensual, sexy, attractive, caring considerate, girl who is also fairly active and if she is a cyclist that would be a real bonus.. ...She must also have to enjoy a healthy sexual appetite. I am not a monk and don't want a nun for a partner.. A sense of humour is a must also

Too right she needs a sense of humour to put up with this tool!  I was going to reply to say “thanks for the email; but I require sex every single morning – always; and twice on Saturday.  If you’re not up for it, F off!” 

But what is the point!  And to make it worse, the fool was wearing lycra in several shots.  Pity he doesn’t know that when I am ruling the world via my land of Secret Women (www.secretwomen.org) – ALL LYCRA WEARERS ARE DEAD!

J