Every so often, I have to sit back and think 'God! I'm glad I've got brain damage!'
And I really do. I know the old me. She would have been screaming and hollering! Like a banshee! I'd be walking around the house furious; kicking the dog! (which I wouldn't, simply because my brain damage allowed me to get, and love, Sharpie!!) And to do it all, even recognising that it would be utterly pointless.
Now, I find that I'm hurt, but I'm okay. In fact, it was probably expected; knowing what I know. And the reality is, I remember my life as much as anyone does. I just struggle to speak about it; but it is all still there. I remember what an utter, freaking, psychotic bitch she was.
So it seems as though the Harridan won't allow me to go to their son's wedding. How do I feel..? Well the Squeeze hurt me; not once, but twice. But my family after the first night, said "are you certain" to which I replied that I was. Hell, it may be an awful mistake, but I have to try. And ever since, he is one of the family again. My kids; my larger family accept him without issue. Even the sister who whenever I have mentioned his name in the last three years, says "...he couldn't even come to Dad's funeral..." has stopped.
And his family... Well Kid (3) is civil to me but that is about it; no to going to the wedding. (Civil, huh!? This is the kid that picked his nose and wiped it on my wall with a "take that bitch..) Kid (1) I haven't seen so I don't know how he is; but I always liked him. Kid (2) I liked; but after hearing his mother scream about me (abusively) said she wouldn't go if I was going; decided that I shouldn't come.
Frankly, I'd test the theory, because I'd be buggered if anyone would keep me from going to my child's wedding! But there is no point in saying all that; we are only a couple of weeks I suppose. Who cares if it has been 15-20 years in the making.
Just once, I'd love the Squeeze to say to the kids:
"You never put me first. I'm bringing her!!"
I guess the reality is, it doesn't bode well for me...
Now, I find that I'm hurt, but I'm okay. In fact, it was probably expected; knowing what I know. And the reality is, I remember my life as much as anyone does. I just struggle to speak about it; but it is all still there. I remember what an utter, freaking, psychotic bitch she was.
So it seems as though the Harridan won't allow me to go to their son's wedding. How do I feel..? Well the Squeeze hurt me; not once, but twice. But my family after the first night, said "are you certain" to which I replied that I was. Hell, it may be an awful mistake, but I have to try. And ever since, he is one of the family again. My kids; my larger family accept him without issue. Even the sister who whenever I have mentioned his name in the last three years, says "...he couldn't even come to Dad's funeral..." has stopped.
And his family... Well Kid (3) is civil to me but that is about it; no to going to the wedding. (Civil, huh!? This is the kid that picked his nose and wiped it on my wall with a "take that bitch..) Kid (1) I haven't seen so I don't know how he is; but I always liked him. Kid (2) I liked; but after hearing his mother scream about me (abusively) said she wouldn't go if I was going; decided that I shouldn't come.
Frankly, I'd test the theory, because I'd be buggered if anyone would keep me from going to my child's wedding! But there is no point in saying all that; we are only a couple of weeks I suppose. Who cares if it has been 15-20 years in the making.
Just once, I'd love the Squeeze to say to the kids:
"You never put me first. I'm bringing her!!"
I guess the reality is, it doesn't bode well for me...
Sheesh. I’ve forgotten how awful this makes me feel. Obvious when I’m awake at 2am that this is on my mind. :(
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